A Simple Thank You

Yesterday, Sunday, I had planned on blogging about the pros and cons of the legalization of marijuana. I work with young adults so I am particularly interested in that issue. However, after watching Charles Osgood's Sunday Morning Program I decided to save the drug issue for another blog.

Ben Stein, has been around for a long time.  He is an actor, Speech Writer, Author, TV Personality and much more.  He commented, on Sunday, about how ungrateful most of us are when it comes to our parents.  He talked about two young women he interviewed that were in a recovery program because of drugs.  They mentioned that their biggest regret was all the heartache they put their parents through.  Mr. Stein then went on to address his own ingratitude to his parents.  He suggested that we all send a thank you note to our parents. So here goes.

My own parents are long gone from this world, and I know I never gave them the thanks they were due.  I took all they gave for granted. The word "entitled" was not in vogue then.  Never thought about their struggles, sacrifices, or fears.  My eyes were on my own navel.  I was the center of the world.  I never wanted for anything.  I had it all.  A house in the city and a summer home.  As they say "Three hots and a cot."  Plus all the encouragement and support I needed.  What I did not have was my mother's full attention.  My brother had Muscular Dystrophy and needed a great deal of her time and attention.  I became very independent at a very early age.

My brother died a day after his eighteenth birthday.  I was eight years old.   Life changed considerably for me.  My dad had always been my knight in shinning armor and showered me with attention but now my mother was doing things for me that I had been doing for myself.  One incident sticks out in my head and heart.  While giving me a sponge bath I dropped a hand mirror and it broke into a zillion pieces.  My mom's reaction was looking me straight in my eyes and said, "Why did God take the wrong one?" As an eight year old I was not sure what that meant but instinctively knew it was not a good thing.  As I already mentioned my dad was my saving grace and I believe I chose him to come through to this life but it was my mom who taught me all the hard lessons I needed to learn in order to survive my own life.  It took my mom a very long time to come to terms with my brother's death.  She tried to numb her pain with alcohol.  Back in the day one would never think about going to a "shrink."  Only crazy people went to them.

About now you are probably thinking why would she ever want to send her mother a thank you note!
I grew up thinking if your mom can't love you who can?  Well, I found a wonderful man who truly loves me just the way I am.  To this day he understands and loves me.  When my fourth child, a daughter, was born I realized how much love my mom had to give.  She was the best Nana a child could have.  She doted on her grandsons but her granddaughter was in a category all by herself.  I felt she gave Shannon the love and attention she was not capable of giving me. Thank you, Mom, for loving my daughter so much.  Watching her love for Shannon somehow exonerated me for not being the one who died.

THANK YOU, MOM AND DAD. FOR THE GIFT OF LIFE AND ALL THE SACRIFICES, LOVE, AND SUPPORT YOU GAVE TO ME.

Who and What is a Mom?

This blog is in memory of Mary and Shirley.

A mom is someone's daughter.

A sister

A school girl

A chatty giddy teen

A working girl of a college girl

A girlfriend

 An excited young woman with a fiancee

A blushing or not so blushing bride in a pure white or off white wedding gown

A toast to the husband.  "here is to chicken when you are hungry, champagne when you are dry, your pretty woman when you need her and paradise when you die."

A toast to the new wife.  "You ain't seen nothing yet. May the force be with you."

 A young wife struggling to be perky, sexy, smart, and above all constantly reading about how to keep her man come hell or high water. Everyone knows a married man is fair game.

A whiz in the kitchen or wondering what-the-hell saute means.

And then a mother and a complete and different life change and the fear of being a real live mom, responsible for another human being takes over every waking minute.

And the mom-in-waiting prepares.  Finally, the long awaited day arrives.  Her baby, the most beautiful one in the world, is placed in her arms for the very first time and in an instant the fear is gone and replaced with a love a different kind of love .  IT IS UNCONDITIONAL and no matter what - it is always there.  A perfect love in an imperfect human being.

And now let the games begin: finally sleep at 5:00am up at 6:00am bathing, feeding, diapering, dressing, walks because the fresh air is good for the baby, lunch time, perhaps the baby will nap.  Did I brush my teeth today or comb my hair?  Oh well.  Thank God the baby is asleep.  I think I will take a little nap.  Let preparing dinner wait.

Give the hubby soup and a sandwich.  He will understand.  NOT.

Hope you like what you are doing because you will repeat it over and over again.  But take heart.  The force is with you.

Family grows and it isn't always a charm.  Time if of the essence.  Money is tight.  Relationships die.  New relationships come into play and stay.  Dreams are just that and sometimes you want to stop the world and get off but you don't because YOU ARE A MOM.  Not perfect but you are dancing as fast as you can to keep the music going.  The question, "Is anything right here?" comes to mind quite often.

But look around you.  Look at your children.  YOU DID RIGHT.

According to Kahil Gibran You knew your children were not your children.  They were the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They came through you but not from you.

And thought they are with you, they belong not to you.

You gave them your love but not your thoughts.  They gave their own thoughts.

You housed their bodies but not their soul, for their souls dwell in thet house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life does not go backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bow from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.  For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
WHAT IS A MOM?  A fearless warrior always aiming her arrows so they may go swift and far but not always able to control the shift of the wind.

YOUR MOM gave you the greatest gift of all - the freedom to make your own mistakes and mend them to follow your own path and walk the walk.  Above all she loved you with the most unconditional love that an imperfect human being can summon.  How do I know that?  Because, I am a Mom, too.

Great job oh good and faithful archer.  May the force continue to be with you!