One Carry On, Please

My very good friends,  invited my husband and I, to accompany them on a trip to Quito, Ecuador to visit their relatives.  I am so excited about visiting South America. It will be a first. Now, there is one big obstacle, albeit  not impossible to hurdle. That is for most people. However, it has become a huge problem for me.

Many of you do not know me, but if you did, you would know two things about me. The first is I have a heavy foot on the accelerator.  The second is I always pack heavy suitcases. At least two big ones and a hang up one for a long weekend at The Atlantis in the Bahamas. This is an aside, but one year, we went on a cruise, with two other bestie friends, to Europe. It was a seven day cruise.  Between the four of us we had soooooooo much luggage it was necessary to have an extra car just for the luggage. Are you beginning to see where this is going??

Well, for the last two weeks, I have been tracking  the weather in Quito to make sure I pack the correct clothing. After rummaging through my closet, drawers, and clothes basket I came up with what I thought was just the right amount of clothes for seven days. You can be the judge if that. Here goes:  four pants, eight tops and shirts, two long skirts, four evening tops, two pashminas, one long-sleeve sweater (for chilly evenings), bathing suit, robe, sun hat, three nightgowns, eight matching sets of lingerie, two pair of sandals, two pair of dress shoes, one pair of Puma's, three handbags, toiletries and most importantly, a rather large cosmetic bag full of various and assundry essential Cover ups guaranteed to hide every wrinkle and crevice. I think that covers everything. Now, there is a pun on words. No big deal, right,  except for one minor issue.  How will it all fit into ONE CARRY ON BAG????

A WEDDING OUT IN THE OPEN FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE

September 3, 2014

Dear Friends,

Recently, I was asked by my two adopted sons if my husband and I would walk them up the aisle.  Of course, we were delighted and honored.  The wedding took place on August 23rd.  Although, it rained it did not put a damper on the celebrations.  Dino and Michael wanted to have their marriage legalized in their home state of Pennsylvania.  In lieu of wedding gifts they invited people to make a donation to the Human Rights Campaign who still are working tirelessly to make sure ALL LOVING COUPLES ARE TREATED EQUALLY!

In keeping with the theme of the wedding I was asked to write about the Gay Rights Movement before Dino and and Michael exchanged their wedding vows.  I wanted to share my speech with you.
 This evening we come together to be a part of history.  A history full of struggle, violence, brutality, suicides, and death.  A struggle wrought with frustration, hopelessness, disappointments, and endless promises never kept.  A struggle where thousands of young men died because no one was interested in taking on the challenges of "that homo disease called Aids."  "Hey, the heterosexuals had nothing to do with that.  I was God's way of getting rid of "those" people."  THOSE people were lawyers, doctors, bankers, authors, playwrights, choreographers, dancers, actors, poets, artists, cabaret singers, musicians, teachers, construction workers, bartenders, rich, poor, black, latino, white, young and old.
THOSE people were someone's child.  Someone's brother,  Someone's partner.  Someone's dearest friends.  AIDS like DRUGS HAD NO BOUNDARIES.

It took sixty-four arduous years for the Gay Rights Movement to get to where it is now in this year 2014.  And like labor pain when the fruits of the labor is seen the pain is forgotten and one is filled with joy, happiness, and hope.  And that brings us into the PRESENT.  THE NOW.  THE PLACE WHERE WE SHOULD ALL LIVE.

SO, what is this thing called love?  This funny thing we call love?  Well, I believe it is many things but I am going to give you the short list:
It is a quiet thing, it is the skin you love to touch, it is arms to hold you tight, it is sweet lips to kiss you goodnight, it is heaven forever more, it is letting yourself go.  IT'S DELIGHTFUL, IT'S DELECTABLE, IT'S DELIRIOUS.  To sum it up IT IS WUNDERBAR!

Birds do it, fish do it, yes even educated fleas do it.  Most of us do it, or at some point in our lives did it.  WE FALL IN LOVE.

This evening, we come together to witness a love affair, out in the open for the WHOLE WORLD to see it.  And to that I would like to invite everyone to give a resounding AMEN.

© Catherine McGough

What is a Father?

 A FATHER is a young boy playing with his tinker toys, a third grader playing in The Little League, an eighth grader graduating from elementary school, a scared freshman on the bus going to his first day in high school, an awkward guy asking a girl or a guy out on a date, a curious teen experimenting with "goodies" that his parents would be upset about if they knew (trust me. They had their suspicions.), the Bon vivant being measured for his first tux, the nervous young man, corsage in hand picking up his girl for the prom, the freshman in college not knowing to go left or go right, the mechanic wondering how he will get the grease off his hands, the lover wanting to make the object of his love his very own, the "what the hell am I doing, guy" watching the beloved walking up the aisle to be his forever, and finally the committed man holding his precious child and knowing he would rather die then let anything happen to this miracle and gift given to him. THAT IS A FATHER.

A very happy Father's Day to all!

Teens

My expertise is teenagers.  I have never met one I didn't like.  They remind me of menopausal ladies who really cannot help themselves.  Their emotions are all over the place.  I call myself an expert because my whole life has been about kids my own and lots of other peoples kids as well.  My professsional career was as a teacher and principal.  I then developed and wrote a program called ECHO, Every Challenge Has Options, that was used by various district judges in order to give a second chance to kids they felt were deserving.  I am going to start blogging about various handouts I use for the program that I think will be useful to parents and educators everywhere.  This one is called 

TO SMOKE OR NOT TO SMOKE THAT IS THE QUESTION
The legalization of marijuana, in some states, has brought awareness of its use into focus.  Some of us have become very complacent about "smoking" weed.  We can give many good reasons why it is okay and even rationalize it by concluding it is better for you then tobacco. Here are some gory details about the effects on the lungs.  Someone who smokes marijuana regularly may have many of the same respiratory problems that tobacco smokers have.  These individual may have daily cough and phlegm, symptoms of chronic bronchitis, and more frequent chest colds.  Continuing to smoke marijuana can lead to abnormal functioning of lung tissue injured or destroyed by marijuana smoke.

The main active chemical in marijuana is THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol).  Short-term effects of marijuana use include problems with learning; distorted perception; difficulty in thinking and problem-solving; loss of coordination; and increased heart rate, anxiety, and panic attacks.




 Regardless of the THC content, the amount of tar inhaled by marijuana smokers and the level of carbon monoxide absorbed are three to five times greater than among tobacco smokers.  This may be due to marijuana users inhaling more deeply and holding the smoke in the lungs.



Okay, that should give you something to think about.  My next blog will be about EFFECTS OF HEAVY MARIJUANA USE ON LEARNING AND SOCIAL BEHAVIOR.  KEEP COMING BACK!

Cass
www.echoforteens.com

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

I cannot believe that once again I am writing about mothers.  My daughter, once told me, that she believed that we actually chose our parents.  To be more accurate, there was one parent we wanted to come through from.  I thought long and hard about that because it was such "new wave" thinking for me and decided it possibly could be true. 

My dad was my hero.  My mom was really hard on me.  So, in my mind it was my dad that I chose.  Now,  looking back on my life I realize it was my mom that taught me all the hard lessons I needed to learn in order to play out the hand that was dealt to me.  Growing up my life was good. I did not want for a thing.  I had a brother who died at the age of eighteen from Muscular Dystrophy. I was seven when he died.   My mother taught me to be very independent at an early age because my brother needed most of her attention and care.  When he was no longer around both parents focused all of their attention on me. My mom was distraught.  One night when she was tucking me into bed she looked right into my eyes and asked the question of me "Why did God take the wrong one?" That, I did not know how to handle. But, at seven years old I knew it couldn't be good. I always tried to do the right thing.  Truthfully, I never wanted to see my parents cry the way they did when my brother's body was being lowered into the grave. Nothing I did was ever good enough for my mom.  Grades were not high enough, my hair was never combed the way it should be, my clothes were not right and the list went on and on.  I never fought with her nor did I rebel.  I always respected her right up to her dying day.  At some point, I realized she could never adjust to life without my brother.  Eventually, she became an alcoholic. She died at the age of sixty-nine.

In the blink of an eye my own life was turned upside down when my youngest son, twenty-four, was killed by a drunk driver.  I had four remaining children.  One of whom would have been very easy to put all my anger on.  It never happened.  Because of my own mother I knew WHAT NOT TO DO. I sought professional help immediately and never lashed out at any of my remaining children.  I was really put to the test five years after my son was killed when my second son died of an overdose. You guessed it he was the one I could have made a scapegoat out of but did not. 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  Today I will visit my mom's grave and once again tell her "I understand your heart completely and now know the depth of your suffering.  I believe I came through you so I could learn how to handle suffering in a different way.  A more compassionate, accepting, and loving way without the use of alcohol or drugs." I will also visit my sons grave and tell them how grateful I am to have had them in my life even though their time on earth was short.  Mother"s Day will be  spent wallowing in the love of Jody, Shannon, Courtney, and my two adopted sons Dino and Michael.

Let us give thanks to the lessons taught by our mothers.

Till the next time,
Cass

A Simple Thank You

Yesterday, Sunday, I had planned on blogging about the pros and cons of the legalization of marijuana. I work with young adults so I am particularly interested in that issue. However, after watching Charles Osgood's Sunday Morning Program I decided to save the drug issue for another blog.

Ben Stein, has been around for a long time.  He is an actor, Speech Writer, Author, TV Personality and much more.  He commented, on Sunday, about how ungrateful most of us are when it comes to our parents.  He talked about two young women he interviewed that were in a recovery program because of drugs.  They mentioned that their biggest regret was all the heartache they put their parents through.  Mr. Stein then went on to address his own ingratitude to his parents.  He suggested that we all send a thank you note to our parents. So here goes.

My own parents are long gone from this world, and I know I never gave them the thanks they were due.  I took all they gave for granted. The word "entitled" was not in vogue then.  Never thought about their struggles, sacrifices, or fears.  My eyes were on my own navel.  I was the center of the world.  I never wanted for anything.  I had it all.  A house in the city and a summer home.  As they say "Three hots and a cot."  Plus all the encouragement and support I needed.  What I did not have was my mother's full attention.  My brother had Muscular Dystrophy and needed a great deal of her time and attention.  I became very independent at a very early age.

My brother died a day after his eighteenth birthday.  I was eight years old.   Life changed considerably for me.  My dad had always been my knight in shinning armor and showered me with attention but now my mother was doing things for me that I had been doing for myself.  One incident sticks out in my head and heart.  While giving me a sponge bath I dropped a hand mirror and it broke into a zillion pieces.  My mom's reaction was looking me straight in my eyes and said, "Why did God take the wrong one?" As an eight year old I was not sure what that meant but instinctively knew it was not a good thing.  As I already mentioned my dad was my saving grace and I believe I chose him to come through to this life but it was my mom who taught me all the hard lessons I needed to learn in order to survive my own life.  It took my mom a very long time to come to terms with my brother's death.  She tried to numb her pain with alcohol.  Back in the day one would never think about going to a "shrink."  Only crazy people went to them.

About now you are probably thinking why would she ever want to send her mother a thank you note!
I grew up thinking if your mom can't love you who can?  Well, I found a wonderful man who truly loves me just the way I am.  To this day he understands and loves me.  When my fourth child, a daughter, was born I realized how much love my mom had to give.  She was the best Nana a child could have.  She doted on her grandsons but her granddaughter was in a category all by herself.  I felt she gave Shannon the love and attention she was not capable of giving me. Thank you, Mom, for loving my daughter so much.  Watching her love for Shannon somehow exonerated me for not being the one who died.

THANK YOU, MOM AND DAD. FOR THE GIFT OF LIFE AND ALL THE SACRIFICES, LOVE, AND SUPPORT YOU GAVE TO ME.

Who and What is a Mom?

This blog is in memory of Mary and Shirley.

A mom is someone's daughter.

A sister

A school girl

A chatty giddy teen

A working girl of a college girl

A girlfriend

 An excited young woman with a fiancee

A blushing or not so blushing bride in a pure white or off white wedding gown

A toast to the husband.  "here is to chicken when you are hungry, champagne when you are dry, your pretty woman when you need her and paradise when you die."

A toast to the new wife.  "You ain't seen nothing yet. May the force be with you."

 A young wife struggling to be perky, sexy, smart, and above all constantly reading about how to keep her man come hell or high water. Everyone knows a married man is fair game.

A whiz in the kitchen or wondering what-the-hell saute means.

And then a mother and a complete and different life change and the fear of being a real live mom, responsible for another human being takes over every waking minute.

And the mom-in-waiting prepares.  Finally, the long awaited day arrives.  Her baby, the most beautiful one in the world, is placed in her arms for the very first time and in an instant the fear is gone and replaced with a love a different kind of love .  IT IS UNCONDITIONAL and no matter what - it is always there.  A perfect love in an imperfect human being.

And now let the games begin: finally sleep at 5:00am up at 6:00am bathing, feeding, diapering, dressing, walks because the fresh air is good for the baby, lunch time, perhaps the baby will nap.  Did I brush my teeth today or comb my hair?  Oh well.  Thank God the baby is asleep.  I think I will take a little nap.  Let preparing dinner wait.

Give the hubby soup and a sandwich.  He will understand.  NOT.

Hope you like what you are doing because you will repeat it over and over again.  But take heart.  The force is with you.

Family grows and it isn't always a charm.  Time if of the essence.  Money is tight.  Relationships die.  New relationships come into play and stay.  Dreams are just that and sometimes you want to stop the world and get off but you don't because YOU ARE A MOM.  Not perfect but you are dancing as fast as you can to keep the music going.  The question, "Is anything right here?" comes to mind quite often.

But look around you.  Look at your children.  YOU DID RIGHT.

According to Kahil Gibran You knew your children were not your children.  They were the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They came through you but not from you.

And thought they are with you, they belong not to you.

You gave them your love but not your thoughts.  They gave their own thoughts.

You housed their bodies but not their soul, for their souls dwell in thet house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life does not go backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bow from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.  For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
WHAT IS A MOM?  A fearless warrior always aiming her arrows so they may go swift and far but not always able to control the shift of the wind.

YOUR MOM gave you the greatest gift of all - the freedom to make your own mistakes and mend them to follow your own path and walk the walk.  Above all she loved you with the most unconditional love that an imperfect human being can summon.  How do I know that?  Because, I am a Mom, too.

Great job oh good and faithful archer.  May the force continue to be with you!